Introverting
December brings a lot with it, besides snow and candy canes. Often it is a time of increased financial stress, loaded family visits, grief for loved ones lost, and downright exhaustion. If this sounds a little too familiar, you are in the right place, whether the label or introvert is new to you or not.
First, let’s review a few basics. Sometimes people confuse being introverted with shyness or social anxiety but these are each distinct things, that may at times overlap, but don’t have to go together. Some of the core features of introversion include a sensitivity to stimulation (this comes through our senses / central nervous system and often feels draining) along with a need to recharge in solitude. Extroverts by contrast, are fueled up by stimulation and in social activity. If we go a little further, it’s also helpful to think of introversion and extroversion as a spectrum versus an either-or duality. Our own particular place on that spectrum may shift over our lifetime, and you can get a sense of your current orientation via this short personality test.
If we turn this into a basic equation: (sensitivity to stimulation + need to recharge alone + December) it becomes easy to see why this time of year can feel so overwhelming for so many people. Layer on month 20 of the pandemic, periods of homeschooling, economic instability, and some extreme weather events and it’s no wonder many of us are not at our best these days. Unfortunately, these latter factors are mostly out of our control, so it’s wise to focus on what is in our control if we are going to create some wellness for ourselves this month. Here are a few tips that I’ve found helpful over the years:
Plan some “introvert time”. This is basically a regular date that you make with yourself, and guard from intrubysions or opportunities (even fun or well-meaning ones). Protect your time with the same level of commitment that you would make for some quality time with a friend. Don’t ditch yourself. Don’t leave yourself hanging. Don’t bring uninvited guests into your “you-time”.
Limit your social time. This may seem obvious, but it’s easy to neglect when there are many opportunities that would each appeal when considered on their own. The problem comes when they are stacked together, each draining you a little more without any time to recharge in between. You can help yourself by setting some thresholds, for example: “I will spend maximum two hours at this gathering”. If you find it hard to keep these kinds of personal limits, you can also plan to arrive late, or leave early. Let other people know in advance so your exit strategy is already understood and helps others plan too. You can also just say no to invitations, you don’t need to explain why.
Alternate types of activities. For every extroverted activity you engage in, flank it with some restorative introvert practices. This might mean carrying a book in your purse. Closing your office door after a busy meeting. Going for a walk alone in the midst of a family visit. Or popping in your headphones to tune out the world for a little while. Each of these strategies is about stimulation management. Give yourself permission to control how much comes in.
Unplug for a bit. While surfing the net or scrolling through social media are not activities that have to be socially draining in obvious ways, they are definitely content-heavy. The sheer volume of input has increased exponentially as technology has developed. And whether you’ve noticed it or not, your senses and nervous system have been responding to all that content because that’s their job. I think of it as a slow leak of energy. Do your nervous system a favour and unplug from some of the noise and stimulation.
Communicate your needs. It is 100% okay to frame your social time with statements like, “I’d love to connect for a short visit”, or “I’d really love to have a heart to heart, can we meet up just the two of us?” or “I have some things to take care of, but you are welcome to stay for a couple of hours/days if you don’t mind fending for yourself sometimes?” If you have a preference around how you use your finite social energy, put it out there. If you don’t, it can lead to feelings of resentment later.
Cultivate your introvert practices. If playing guitar or painting watercolour is your jam, carve out the time and space to give these activities more priority in your life. However you cherish your quiet time, it can help to create a little nook in your home or bedroom that makes enjoying these activities easier. It also serves as a visual reminder to take time for you. If space is tough, maybe it’s a self-care basket or bag that is easily portable, a playlist that soothes your nerves, or a go-to meal that comforts your soul. Make it accessible, and visit often.
Celebrate your introvert qualities. Sometimes the word introvert comes with a negative or “less than” implication, as though the world would be better off if everyone was extroverted. However, the world needs the balancing of your gifts and skills and you can share them in your own contemplative way. We often have the capacity to make thoughtful decisions, to think critically, to ask excellent questions, to act strategically, to connect deeply with others, to be a grounding presence…the list goes on.
I hope this blog post will support you this December. If you’re interested to learn more you can check out the Quiet books by Susan Cain as well as her TedTalk, which happens to be one of the most highly viewed TedTalks of all time (both are highlighted in the bibliotherapy section of my resources page and on her organization’s website Quiet Revolution.) If you’d like more individualized support, consider booking in for a complimentary 20 minute Meet & Greet.
Happy introverting!
