Uncertainty is Growth Terrain
Do you know that torn confused feeling that visits us periodically? Where our insides are all a jumble and our thoughts keep swirling in no particular direction? Where we can’t quite get oriented and are left with a feeling of limbo? Ambivalence. Confusion. Dreadful uncertainty. We’ve all been there, but we often resist it, as we frequently do with the more challenging emotions.
We may try to bypass uncertainty by rushing or deferring decisions, distracting or numbing ourselves with the familiar, or by falling prey to that age-old narrative that somehow we are just not “good enough”, or somehow, also “too much”. You’re familiar with this story right? The one that tries to shortcut a natural decision making process and shunts us straight to fear and inadequacy. Or tells us that because this emotion is hard, it must also be bad, “unhealthy” or even “abnormal”. Like we should have everything figured out for every possible scenario in any given moment. As though it is actually possible or desirable to plan away the fullness of the human experience.
What if we shifted our view of uncertainty?
When we dance with uncertainty we learn about our values, our tender places, and the things that drive us from the inside out. Organizational psychologist Adam Grant talks about how feeling unsteady is often a path to progress because it helps us to grow. When we ignore uncertainty’s invitations to slow down and explore, we’ve limited ourselves, like a bud that never unfurls. Or equally problematic, we can bypass that niggly feeling that is actually a message from our nervous system telling us something about risk or safety. Relationally, when we rush others’ through their seasons of uncertainty, we commit “opportunity thievery”, a term coined by family therapist Karl Tomm, in which the opportunity for development is stolen by a well-intentioned other. When we collectively refuse to allow for some not knowing or some wonder, we open the door for oppressive systems of power.
What if I told you that uncertainty can be the beginning of curiosity? A place that is ripe with possibilities and potential. A place where reflection and contemplation are gently holding space for you to come back home to yourself. Or preparing you for transformation. Uncertainty is almost always one of our companions on the path to change. In her book Big Magic, Elizabeth Gilbert writes, “Following the scavenger hunt of curiosity can lead you to amazing, unexpected places. It may eventually lead you to your passion – albeit through a strange, untraceable passageway of back alleys, underground caves and secret doors” (P.237-238). I love this image because it describes a spirit of exploration and discovery.
So how do we lean into uncertainty? Being with ambivalence does not appeal to most people, yet often this is part of the process. Giving myself permission to not know, and to take time and space to feel my feelings is usually a great place to start. Reminding myself that my emotions are there to support and guide me also helps, even the ones that are harder to experience. For myself, I know when I am confused that it probably means that I need more information or more time, and quite frequently I need both. This is especially true for highly sensitive people, who by nature, are observing and processing at a deep level and need additional time to respond to change. This includes time for breaks and rest (as a core need, not as something you earn after making enough progress).
Sometimes uncertainty is amplified by a fear of somehow making “the wrong choice”. It can be valuable to check-in with yourself if you are trying to find a “right” or “best” solution, and notice what external assumptions or criteria you’re layering into your process. Are they helpful or adding pressure? Do those external factors actually matter?
You can also remind yourself about the last time you successfully navigated unfamiliar terrain. Is there anything that was particularly useful that you would like to take with you? What supported you? You could ask yourself, “What values am I exploring right now?” or “What has my nervous system discovered here?” or “What skills am I growing as I learn to wander through this particular season of life?”
If you’d like to try a creative process to get to know your uncertainty, try this prompt below:
Gather some art materials for collage (paper, books, old magazines/flyers, photos, fabrics, glue, scissors etc) *You can often get old magazines from the library.
Give yourself a time limit to gather images, words, textures etc that speak to you about your uncertainty. You don’t need to explain why it resonates.
Collect your imagery by tearing or cutting it out. Go with your gut instincts and gather more than you need, you can refine these later.
Start to play with arranging the imagery spatially. This isn’t about what “looks good” more about what “feels congruent”. Feel free to re-arrange, layer, omit, adapt or simplify - you get to choose what remains.
Notice if/when it feels complete. You might like to take a photo to capture your process at this stage or various stages.
You can decide if you’d like to leave it loose or glue the pieces down.
Hang out with your collage and notice what comes up. How does your body feel? What emotions are present? Does anything surprise you? What words would you use to describe your selections? What do you notice about their arrangements?
If you’d like to take this process a little further, you could journal about your thoughts, or write a poem in response to your collage. These become snapshots in time that you can return to as your experience evolves.
